Welcome to...
The Best Page in the Universe

This page is about me and why everything I like is great. If you disagree with anything you find on this page, you are wrong.

Asarnil's File
(Updated: 09-13-04)

"I, Robot" in a nutshell.
(Updated: 07-27-04)

Video games you'll never play.
(Updated: 07-13-04)

Intellectual property theft? Don't worry, Detective Dipshit is on the job (new hate mail).
(Updated: 07-07-04)

Five shitty movies that everyone loves.
(Updated: 06-16-04)

A few suggestions to help make CompUSA a better store.
(Updated: 05-31-04)

You're not Dave Chappelle, and you're not funny.
(Updated: 05-11-04)

Looking for a safe stance on abortion? Me neither.
(Updated: 04-26-04)

How do you dumbasses manage to breathe?
(Updated: 04-05-04)

Cancel the 2005 Academy Awards, the contest is over.
(Updated: 03-23-04)

Astrology is bullshit. Astrology is bullshit. Astrology is bullshit.
(Updated: 03-10-04)

Attention women: until your farts start smelling like cinnamon buns, quit bitching.
(Updated: 02-24-04)

Bill O'Reilly is a big blubbering vagina.
(Updated: 02-07-04)

Garfield sucks.
(Updated: 01-26-04)

Racism and scat, a powerful union (new hate mail).
(Updated: 01-04-04)

Phrases that make my blood boil.
(Updated: 12-22-03)

A tribute to real men.
(Updated: 12-08-03)

Oops! You're racist.
(Updated: 11-18-03)

The Matrix: Revolutions is boring and shitty.
(Updated: 11-10-03)

(Updated: 11-03-03)

Finally: the reason I'm such an asshole revealed (new hate mail).
(Updated: 10-19-03)

How to render the Segway obsolete.
(Updated: 10-16-03)

McDonald's new ad campaign is an anagram for "ailing vomit."
(Updated: 10-06-03)

Going to Thailand? Don't forget your jackass discount card.
(Updated: 09-30-03)

Ikaruga: a modest review by a modest man.
(Updated: 09-08-03)

Things Elizabeth Smart could have done to escape her captors.
(Updated: 09-01-03)

Not sure if you're an idiot? Play it safe and don't send me email (new fan mail).
(Updated: 08-25-03)

How is it possible that a guy with a small penis and a hairy back is more powerful than Pepsi on the Internet?
(Updated: 08-18-03)

We know you're a cranky bitch, you don't need the bumper sticker.
(Updated: 08-05-03)

Proof that wealth can't buy class: the top four ugliest cars on the road.
(Updated: 07-21-03)

Take your X-TREME marketing and shove it.
(Updated: 07-07-03)

A shampoo recommendation for cry-baby pussies (new hate mail).
(Updated: 06-30-03)

Christopher Reeve is an asshole.
(Updated: 06-24-03)

My balls are huge.
(Updated: 06-16-03)

Four things that could have improved The Matrix: Reloaded.
(Updated: 05-23-03)

Would you like to bomb Iran?
(Updated: 05-05-03)

It's a dumbass marathon (new hate mail).
(Updated: 04-20-03)

Twenty-six things a perfect guy would do, and other propaganda disseminated by misguided women.
(Updated: 04-03-03)

Wireless internet may very well destroy our chances of contacting intelligent life.
(Updated: 04-11-03)

Who would make a better president: Bush or a box of Tic-Tacs? An objective analysis.
(Updated: 03-16-03)

How to become an obnoxious internet cam whore in five easy steps.
(Updated: 03-03-03)

I wonder if Jenny Jones can come up with a topic that rhymes with "canceled."
(Updated: 02-27-03)

Two characters that were missing from the new Daredevil movie.
(Updated: 02-18-03)

How to win the war and make big savings.
(Updated: 02-15-03)

Why change your car's oil when your girlfriend can do it?
(Updated: 02-09-03)

Greeting cards you wish you could buy.
(Updated: 02-01-03)

Bush: making political satirists obsolete since 2000.
(Updated: 01-28-03)

How to piss off credit card companies and get away with it.
(Updated: 01-17-03)

Hollywood: still out of ideas? How about another black-guy-meets-white-guy comedy?
(Updated: 01-13-03)

Read these classics or go to hell.

More crappy children's art work.
(Updated: 10-04-02)

I am better than your kids.
(Updated: 06-17-02)

Love your kids? Prove it by beating them.
(Updated: 09-02-02)

The movie "Signs" in four easy steps.
(Updated: 08-11-02)

Five things that sucked about Lord of the Rings.
(Updated: 01-13-02)

Is your page good enough to bear the coveted
"Best Damn Web Page In The Universe"

Do you rule enough?

Click on the icon for details on how you too can obtain the honor of being on my list.

Pirates Rule

Here are some pages that don't suck:

Special thanks to ServInt for additional hosting:

Special thanks to Xmission for hosting this site since 1997 and on:

My page from 2003 (It kicks ass)
My page from 2002 (It kicks ass)
My page from 2001 (It kicks ass)
My page from 2000 (It kicks ass)
My page from 1999 (It kicks ass)
My page from 1998 (It kicks ass)

The Best Store in the Universe
The Official Ninja Webpage: REAL Ultimate Power
eBaum's World
X-Entertainment: two Xs shy of being porn.
Tucker Max
Change your bullshit browser to Firefox.
The boy who cried Iraq
Book: Real Ultimate Power - The Official Ninja Book
Maddox Mania (fan site)
Friends of Maddox (fan site)
Commujism (NSFW)
More links...

77,483,377 people think I'm right about everything.
Number of visits to this page in the last minute: 71

Do you like my page? If not, eat me.


This page was made using vi in unix. Anything else is for failures.

© 1996-2004 by Maddox